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Post by Libra on Jan 26, 2003 16:09:35 GMT -5
If you would like to share any of your life experiences, you can here. They can be good or bad. Personally, I'd try to avoid topics involving death, because those can be a bit painful. Once I get around to typing it, I'll post my "loved and lost" experience.
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Post by Libra on Jan 26, 2003 23:08:29 GMT -5
Ok, ok, the moment we've all been waiting for... my little "loved and lost" story. I like to look at it from more of the perspective of "The One, only too soon", which in my eyes is how it was, or at least then. Well, without further adue, here is the first story of this (hopefully) good topic. And despite how the story starts, it is not based on internet relationships, just for those wondering. And this all happened while I still had Faith in God, so I wasn't living like a negative athiest stereotype. Okay, I'm rambling now (and will through the story) so read on, and don't lose your place!
It all started at the beginning of my 8th grade year, when my friend Sara introduced me to her neighbor Jenna via the internet. My first impression of Jenna was an extremely open girl that wasn't going to let how other people see her get to her and stop her from acting natural. She freaked me out a little at first, but I wasn't gonna let that get to me. After a few months, me and Jenna lost contact. I got a new e-mail address, and sent it to her, but she didn't respond. I'm assuming it was probably deleted, in the thought that it might have been spam mail, but oh well. It didn't bother me that much.
Fast forward to December of 1999, at my longest-known friend, Hilton's birthday party. I know him as Andre, which is his newly adopted nickname, so you will hear me refer to him as that. I saw a girl there, and she just looked amazing. She was a beautiful girl, and I wanted to talk to her, but I was scared. Andre and Steve (aka Gavin) were acting natural at the party, so I tried to do the same. We were playing air instruments to the music playing in the basement, and she happened to walk up to us and talk to us. I kinda panicked, and the fool I am, I didn't say much other than, "Hi, I'm Billy". We went back to playing our air instruments (which she seemed to be entertained by) and I loosened up a little bit only because my latest favorite song came on, Smooth. At the end of the party, it was nearing the time for everyone to go (after reading what I just wrote, it would only be natural that everyone would get ready to go at the end) but I swallowed whatever kind of shyness inside of me to go up to her and talk to her. It was difficult for me to, considering that I haven't been able to find a girlfriend for 2 and a half years before meeting her, and meeting an extremely beautiful girl was a lot on me. But asking her for her for a way to contact her later on? That was tough. I asked her if she had e-mail, and when she said yes, I asked her for her e-mail address. She gave it to me, and as I looked at it, I asked her, "Do you remember sba3?" (sba3 was my old e-mail address, it was the family one made up of the first letter of all of our first names- me, my mom, and my sister) She said yes, and I said, "yeah, that's me." We started talking like two old friends who haven't seen eachother for ages. Basically, some mysterious force (or just sheer luck) broke the ice, and I gave her my new e-mail address (which I still currently use) and we went our ways.
Three weeks later, after getting to know Jenna better, I asked her out. She kindly put me down, but then again, I would have too, because it was only 3 weeks, and we didn't know as much about eachother than we would have liked. I went on with life, it wasn't the first time in 2 and a half years that I was rejected.
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Post by Libra on Jan 26, 2003 23:09:22 GMT -5
In February, I met a girl named Jamie. It was really different, because it was not only the first girl that came on to me in a while, but she was also of a different color and I haven't been in any inter-racial relationships prior to this point in my life. Well, it took me around 2 months to realize I liked her, and we went out in April. A month later I broke up with her, for reasons I cannot recall right now. But Jamie managed to fall in love with me within that month, which would only complicate things further. Later on that May, my crush for Jenna came back. I pursued it again, now that I knew her better. She also knew me better, before people start thinking that I'm some strange stalker guy. News came that Jenna was moving in July, and I tried to speed things up. I was going to try to go out with her before she moved, because something urged me to be with her more than anyone else. The thing I didn't know was that Jenna and Jamie were best friends. Jamie, still being in love with me, somewhat prevented anything between me and Jenna because Jenna was too good of a person to go out with the person her best friend loved. I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that things weren't going to be easy for me. Fast forward again to July, a little bit before Jenna is scheduled to move. It was Jamie's birthday party. She was there, naturally, and so was I. I wanted something to happen, just that little something to reassure myself. Hopeful thinking, who knows. Here's a link to a picture of me and her that day (I only dressed nice since it was a party, and because I wanted to impress her, but here's the link anyhow- community.webshots.com/album/6737973cilZKSRKhf) It was coming near the end of the night, and we played spin the bottle (my first two spins BY LUCK landed on her... oh boy oh boy!) and we also played truth or dare at 10:00 when it was nice and dark. The guys vs. the girls, and as of right now, us guys were the dumb ones. The girls had to go out into the streetlight and lift up their shirts and link their arms above their heads. They were given the option of losing their bra. The girls came up, and the guys had to go out there and drop their pants, pull their shirts up, and lock their arms. Let me note that it was 3 guys against 5 girls. Out of the 3 guys, one had a girlfriend who got him out of the dare (at his request, the damn wuss) and another who used his age to get out of it (he was only 18) which left me excuseless. I wasn't gonna go out there alone, to me it was pointless. And I didn't wanna get laughed at. So I went out there and did it when they weren't paying attention. Their loss, right? Nope. They made me go back out there and do it again. And I DID, despite what they thought. That concluded my interesting night. The day before her move, I was going to ride down to her house, try to help pack what was left, and hopefully get some recognition for all my effort. I liked her more than the others, but it was only a bigger crush than the others. ONLY. I missed the turn to her house, and in the middle of nowhere in the pine barrens of New Jersey, that's a no-no. I wound up farther from her than I would have hoped, and almost got bitten by a snake which I couldn't identify, none the less. But it was a good 9 feet long, I would have judged. Who knows, maybe 7. I wasn't about to lay next to it for the estimate. So there was a blown day, and I kinda kick myself in the ass for it everyday. I mean, how hard is it to make the FIRST left?
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Post by Libra on Jan 26, 2003 23:09:55 GMT -5
She moved, and eventually got her computer up and running. We kept in contact via the internet (gotta love it) and pretty much kept eachother updated on everything. 6 months after her move, December of 2000 rolls around, namely December 16, when I was thinking to myself, and wondering why the hell wasn't I over her? I thought and thought. "She's just another girl, but why can't I get over her?" Then it hit me like someone hitting you with a baseball bat. A whiffle ball baseball bat, because I still had my consiousness with me. I was in love. It was the first time I cried in a while, and the last to date. I cried because I was in love with her, and couldn't tell her how I wanted to, or hold her, or anthing like that. Then I got worried, because of all those forwards you get of not knowing if a loved one was hurt and killed in an accident, and it was killing me inside. I got an e-mail from her, and I kept my love a secret from her for about 5 more months.
It was early May, and I sent her an e-mail, like I usually do. I asked her if she had AIM, and I gave her my SN, which is also the same as it is now. A day later, I'm online, and I see the "Accept Message" box pop up, and after seeing the SN, I knew it was her instantly. We talked and talked, and it was good to actually talk in person (more or less) for once in 11 months. We talked every day, and the third day, I made two mistakes. First telling her that I was in love with her, and the second asking her how she felt about me. I asked her to take time to think about it, and to tell me when she knew.
Another 15 days pass, and I see the e-mail from her with the answer in it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to open it or not, but I did. And it kinda hurt. The first reason she listed was, and I quote from the e-mail (which is still saved), "Hi Billy! Okay, I've been thinking about what you told me and asked me. The honest truth, is that I don't live by you, so I can't really date you and give you a chance ot anything like that, which does suck, yes, but also, I just don't really feel the same way as you do. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. (Does that make any sense?) In other words, I love you, because I've grown fond you, but I'm not in love with you, like I would for marrying someone." It goes on, but I don't want to fill it with too much and bore everyone to death. But needless to say, I was hurt, more after getting that.
I went a whole year and a half being in love with her from the start. Which makes you think, that was so much longer after getting the answer. I kept hope thinking that after high school, I could live near her and get that chance to prove to her that I was the one for her, and hopefully get her hand in marriage. I then realized I only needed to be with her to be happy, and kept hope there. Yes, more false hope.
Well, lets say that now, "I love her, but I'm not in love with her." I have gotten over now, but if she ever changes her mind, I'm here and willing to take her in my arms, as long as I'm single of course, because there is no reason to end a perfectly good relationship for someone else. Me and Jenna are great friends, and hopefully always will be. Who knows, that might make her fall for me, or vice versa (again... how tragic that will be) but if I were extremely lucky, it would go both ways.
Thank you all for reading this, hopefully I didn't put any of you to sleep, or make anyone cry. People say that I should publish this and make lots for it, but I'm thinking more along the lines of giving it to the writers of "Chicken soup for the teenage soul" so I can help others out with my experience. Hopefully, I helped out some of you, or at least entertained you for the time being.
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Post by LiCrow on Jan 27, 2003 13:05:37 GMT -5
*Shakes her head*
Libra, you are the only one who has posted in your own thread...
BTW, how old are you? Just wondering, because you said the 18 year old got out because of his age...
i think i'll have a go...
i first fell in love in third grade. He was so sweet, and it was nice to have a third friend. Then one day our teacher had us playing a game, which he often did just after lunch. He would call someone up to pull a question out of the box and they had to answer it. Let me tell you now, i wasn't popular. Not by a long shot. i wasn't pretty, i kept to myself, i was absolutely vicious to anyone who came anywhere close to insulting one of my few friends. Kevin's question was-have you guessed?-Who in the room would you most want to go out with. He didn't want to be laughed at, so he answered what any other boy in the room would have, Shauna Smith. i never did like her... It hurt. Badly. i never spoke to him again. After fifth grade, we went todifferent schools, but he's now in my Biology class, andn i've been taking great pains to not have to talk to him still, though i'm sure he's long forgotten me.
In seventh grade, it happened again. This guy's name was Chris. God... He's still one of my best friends, though we haven't talked in a while... He's nice, funny, cute, sweet, and doesn't let anyone take advantage of him. He told me about his brothers and everything about his life up to that point... On day in the hall he told me he wanted to break up with me. i stumbled back into the locker and couldn't meet his eyes. He left. Case closed. That one hurt too, if not as badly...
Up to now. Beo. God i love John... He's my baby... i just can't imagine ever hating him, never, never in all my life... i can't imagine... i can't imagine not loving him...But apparently he doesn't feel the same... Not any more... Many here remember how we were on AX... He's such a sweet guy... loving, sweet, kind, stands up for himself... i love him deeply, but... *Sigh* He never calls me, which i understand, it being long distance and all, and he's never OL. He was gone for around three months and when i finally called him, he didn't seem to care, or even realize that he'd been gone so long. Mav and i thought that he was just grounded again, but... When i called last, i asked why he's never on anymore, and he said he didn't know, as though he just didn't feel like it. He's just stopped caring... It hurts. i thought it hurt when Kevin did that to me... but this cuts like a knife. Any time i think on it, i can't breathe properly, not that i can usually, anyway... *Sigh*
i know no one will read this... i just saw the oppurtunity to say some of the things that have been on my mind lately, and i took it...
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Post by Libra on Jan 27, 2003 13:44:55 GMT -5
I read it, I understand what you are talking about. Currently, I am 17, all this happened when I was 15. I knew people in a grade above mine, it was my close friend's party.
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Triyun
GM III
Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking for a Challenge!!!!!!!!
Posts: 739
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Post by Triyun on Jan 27, 2003 19:27:11 GMT -5
Once I was walking and I stubbed my toe and it hurt A LOT. I thought it was broken but it wasn't. That year was had the coldest winter.... EVER!
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Post by Zorak on Jan 27, 2003 19:37:10 GMT -5
Well people, just want to say "It is better to have loved then lost, then to have never loved at all".
Lets just say Zorak here is NOT popular. One bit. I have only a small ring of friends offline, so let me just say this:
Never had a Girl Friend. Never had a Close Really Relationship. *Shrugs* So like I said, "It is better to have loved then lost, then to have never loved at all."
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Post by Ryo on Jan 27, 2003 20:19:00 GMT -5
Bad
I'll just say that I've tried suicide twice, I'm bolemic, and I generally mistrust all people, specifically males since my father is an abusive drunk. So this post is actually a mockery of the thread. i swera to do justice to it as soon as I work up the courage to go into details.
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Post by Maverick on Jan 27, 2003 21:51:36 GMT -5
Bad I'll just say that I've tried suicide twice, I'm bolemic, and I generally mistrust all people, specifically males since my father is an abusive drunk. So this post is actually a mockery of the thread. i swera to do justice to it as soon as I work up the courage to go into details. Suicde twice? Ok, you're gonna have to tell me about both times, and let me tell you this, if that bastard of a father comes near you when I visit you, let's just say that he'll get what's coming to him. Edit: Just moved your text out of the Quote box. -Zorak
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Post by LiCrow on Jan 27, 2003 22:15:49 GMT -5
Um... Didn't she just say she was only mocking it?
And Zorak, i believe it was K from Men in Black that said "Try it some time." Or something like that...
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Post by Angel Aries on Jan 27, 2003 23:00:56 GMT -5
Aries had indigestion once...
No. *sighs.*
Aries remembers, long ago, what it was to be loved by the Angel who let him go.
Aries remembers back when Aries first saw his ex-girlfriend. Aries had gotten off his airplane, had breakfast with his aunt, had a great time with his younger cousins, running around shopping with them, joking with his aunt...it seemed as if the day couldn't get any better.
And then she walked through that glass door and it did.
We were standing near one of the entrances that we had determined to be our meeting spot, she was with her mother. Aries liked her mother, she was just great to Aries. Came just short of baking him cookies while Aries was there, she was so great, and Aries imagines she had to will herself not to do that.
She was all that Aries had dreamed of in his seven years of dreaming of that moment and more. She was just a little shorter than Aries, but that's no surprise, because everyone is shorter than Aries. Her hair was a mass of brown waves tumbling down onto her slim shoulders, a pair of glasses fixed on her almost aqualine nose, the rest of her face would have seen somewhat bland, inclined to an expression of nonchalance if she hadn't been smiling with her hands up over her mouth. Aries ran right up to her and hugged her, lifting her up and twirling her about in a circle, laughing.
*sighs.* Aries was so happy to see her. She was so happy to see Aries. Aries bought her an ice cream cone right then and there, double chocolate fudge on a regular cone. She hadn't expected that, but Aries told her that he was only glad to do something like that for her, and that if it was in his power, he'd do more.
And then, a week later, she dumped Aries.
So, no, this isn't a good experience rather than a bad one. It's a bad one because Aries had something, something that he had never fealt before, something that was a gem in and of itself...and Aries lost it within a week.
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Post by Libra on Jan 27, 2003 23:44:02 GMT -5
I'm really sorry to hear that, Aries. It all happened so fast for you, I can't even imagine something like that going so fast. You can at least be at peace with the fact that you had her, no matter how brief. Ryo, don't worry. I know your father may not be much, but your father is still there. When I was little, I never saw mine. Now all of a sudden (back in 9th grade, 3 years ago) he decides that he wants to actively be part of my life. It's very stressful.
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Post by †Zero† on Jan 28, 2003 6:46:47 GMT -5
...I've gone over it all...i don't wish to say it all again...it would hurt to much...
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Post by Libra on Jan 28, 2003 12:41:00 GMT -5
I respect that decision. It was painful for me to go over mine, too.
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