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Post by Crazy 8 on Sept 3, 2003 20:42:34 GMT -5
Here's a thread to where you can post any joke or any image that's really funny. And you can tell true, funny stories too.
Here's some:
(true story)A teacher was teacher was talking about religions and started making examples.
Teacher:Take Hitler for example, what religion was he?
Girl: Oh! Oh! German!
How is Pink Floyd and Princess Diana alike?
Their biggest hit was the wall.
A bisquit, two sausages, bacon, and an egg walk into a bar and the egg goes and says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy drinks for my friends."
But the bartender shook his head saying, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
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Post by X on Sept 4, 2003 12:42:16 GMT -5
"Sorry, we don't serve breakfast." *rimshot* |
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Post by Angel Aries on Sept 4, 2003 14:42:13 GMT -5
*Aries grins.*
Okay. The Pope is having one of his lil' ideas, so he says:
*Imitating John Paul II.*
"I think I'll go take a trip and view the Christian-ness of all the good Christian nations of the world."
So he goes off, and he goes all around Europe, and his last stop is in Scotland. So he's driving along a coastal road in his lil' Popemobile, and he looks out over the water and he sees this Englishman being attacked by a shark. And he looks down at the beach, and he sees three guys in kilts run out into the water, one of them drags the Englishman back to shore, and the other two beat the shark to death with their bare hands.
Now the Pope is impressed by this, so he goes down to the beach and he says:
*Imitating John Paul II.*
"I am amazed and honored that you Scots would feel enough for your fellow man. I understand the emnity that goes on between the Scots and the English, and I commend you gentlemen for your willingness to cast such hate aside!"
An' he gets in his Popemobile and he drives off.
Now the three Scots are standing there like, What the hell just happened? And one turns to another and goes:
*Scottish Brogue.*
"Who the hell was that?"
"That was the Pope, lad!"
"The Pope? Huh. Well, I'll tell ya somethin'...he sure is a nice guy...but he doesn't know a helluva thing about shark fishin'. How's that bait coming?"
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Post by Gojira on Sept 4, 2003 19:19:52 GMT -5
A priest, a rapist, and a child molester walk into a bar. And that's just the first guy...
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Post by Zorak on Sept 4, 2003 19:28:24 GMT -5
All the jokes I have are Sex ones, so I think I'll pass on posting them, lol.
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Post by jango 7 on Sept 4, 2003 19:35:21 GMT -5
[glow=green,2,300]SORRY ABOUT THE FOLLOWING DEAD BABY JOKES[/glow]
what's worse than 10 dead babys in 1 trash can?
1 dead baby in 10 trashcans
how do you get 10 dead babys into a bowl?
meatgrinder
how do you get them out?
nachos
what's worse than 10 dead babys in a trashcan?
the one at the bottom is still alive
what's worse than that?
he has to eat his way out
what's worse than that?
he came back for more
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Post by jango 7 on Sept 6, 2003 17:27:11 GMT -5
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Post by jango 7 on Sept 27, 2003 9:00:48 GMT -5
A Zebra dies and goes to heaven
he walks up to St. Peter at the gates and asks him,
"Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes"
St. Peter says,"That's a question only God can answer."
So the zebra, still confused, goes to God and asks him,
"Am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?"
God simply said,"You are what you are."
The zebra goes back to St. Peter and St. peter asks him,
"Well?"
the zebra replies,"He said I am what I am."
"Well then," says St. Peter,"that explains it."
"Explains what?" says the zebra,
"That you're a white zebra with black stripes, because if
you were a black zebra with white stripes God
would've said,"You is what you is."
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Post by Libra on Sept 30, 2003 23:52:01 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]THE FOLLOWING JOKE IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN OFFENSIVELY DESPITE CONTENT.[/glow]
What do you call a barn full of black people? Antique farm equipment!
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Macabre
MARRIED Woman
...
Posts: 2,894
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Post by Macabre on Oct 4, 2003 18:54:26 GMT -5
Two Irish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people in this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in
America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs."
The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to
blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously: "What part did you get?"
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Halo
GM III
Come on Mother bitches!
Posts: 585
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Post by Halo on Oct 7, 2003 19:33:09 GMT -5
A man and woman are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. The candles are lit, the romance is outrageous. But then the lady stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The guy says "WHAT??" The lady explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. Then he realizes that nothing is goin to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the man takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on 2 expensive very outfits. She can't decide. He tells his woman to take all of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. Then thet go to the Jewlery Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The lady is so excited. She thinks her guy has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. He says "You don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."
The woman is jumpin up and down so excited she cannot beleive what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register." The man stops and says, "No honey- I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." The look on her face is indescrubable and she is about to explode and the guy says, "You mus not be in tune with my financial needs as a man."
All women need to think about that the next time they want to be a tease. :P
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Post by HoodedNitemare on Oct 7, 2003 19:48:07 GMT -5
Once, there was a Spanish crew that was stranded on an island. The spanish had only a raft, nails, and a binocular scope.
An American crew was on a convoy ship and noticed the Spanish crew. So the sailors got together and discussed about stuff, then went out on a rescue boat and tried to comunicate the Spanish crew.
"Eh! Homie peoples..." one american sailor said, just as in he realized that the Spanish did not know how to speak and understand english. So the sailor said something else.
"OK then, If you have a raft, screws, and binoculars make these hand motions." The american motioned to hands together and waved them up and down, then another signaling two fists comming together like a hammer, and the last one cupping the hands together around the eyes.
So, somehow the spanish crew understood and did the signals.
The american sailor chuckled and told to the other americans, "Look, That spanish dude is saying that when the sun goes down, hes gonna F*ck me until my eyes pop out!"
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Post by Crazy 8 on Oct 10, 2003 20:39:13 GMT -5
A guy was towing his boat home from a fishing trip when his car broke down. He didn't have a cell phone with him, but he thought he could be able to get someone on his marine radio to call for assisstance. He climbed into the boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."
A Coast Guard officer came on and said to state his location.
"I-75, two miles south from Standish."
After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
~dum dum, ching~
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Post by TheFalseMessiah on Oct 11, 2003 14:15:26 GMT -5
Hey, what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothin'! You already done told her twice!
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