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Post by CygnusMkII on Nov 17, 2003 17:38:46 GMT -5
*points to stars*
Me cannot close thread-o. But it seems that Sean wants Mav to post.
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Post by Maverick on Nov 17, 2003 22:27:27 GMT -5
Ai, I don't want to see you in any threads like this again.
Ace, I know that you mean well, but you shouldn't force it on him.
Sean, you can stay if you want, but take some time to think, don't do anything tha would make us all sad, got it?
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Post by Angel Aries on Nov 19, 2003 10:53:24 GMT -5
*Aries pops in after three pages.*
Aries knows good and well what you be goin' through, Seannie-wannie. Both Aries's sister and Aries's Da be bipolar and take medication. Da's is usually under control, but Tess's...Aries gets yelled at a lot, generally.
Odds are, by process of genetics, that Aries is more than likely, in some way or another, also slightly bipolar. Aries knows genetics sometimes deals wild cards, but even Calrissian's not betting, y'know? So, if Aries is somewhat bipolar too, why does Aries always come in with a smile on his face?
*grins, then strikes up the band and starts singing!*
Because there's so much out there to learn! And there's so much out there to yearn! It's a good day, rain or shine, to Arieeeeeees! Life's just a dreaming tease or a nightmare if you please It's a good day to just go piss off liiiiiiiiiife!
There's so much out there to laugh about! And there's so much out there to cry about! And there's so much out there to think about! And so much time to just go lie aboooout! So what's all this depression about? D'ya just need a way to let it out? Are you just so mad you want to shout?! Then grab your gloves and go in for your booooout!!!
And there's so much out there to feel! And there's nothing like a good, hot meal! It's a good day, rain or shine, to Arieeeeeees! You'll see it's all a show! Keep 'em laughing as you go! Just remember that the last laugh is on yoooooooou!
*just made that song up. Aries smells Top 40 Smash Hit, no?*
*grins.*
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Post by Raz on Nov 19, 2003 16:52:40 GMT -5
Aries, for making Sean feel worse than what he already did you get -10000 points.
Sean, be happy because you just got +5 points.
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Post by †Zero† on Nov 19, 2003 21:43:01 GMT -5
...i have somthing to say to all of you personally but i will say somthing to all of you generally...none of you will understand me exactly, i know it, no one can understand anyone perfectly unless they are that person...but...respect is what needs to be given...and with the lack of respect that society gets i will give you all the truth...
Ai- you "fucking idiot" i hope you take a lesson from that...
Aries- I hope you die laughing and happy, really...don't use your...randomness as it were to hide your problems to everyone, and don't talk in third person anymore...its...old i guess...other then that continue with yourself as you have
Raz- You my friend are an ignorent insolent SOB but i'm sure you knew that much...its the simple fact that you don't care, or what ever you do that makes me sick....don't stop
Gojira- As wise beyond your years as you are, you indeed do not know everything, as again i'm sure you understand, i am not insulting your intelegence or your age, how ever i am stating that you might want to watch what you say, and act your age once in a while...be a kid...if you do this already then keep it up
Cyg- gives her a deep passionete kiss and then slaps her across the face then hugs her That Cyg is the essence of a normal teenage life for normal teenagers...we aren't normal though so that maybe will be the closest we come...
Libra- You are to much like me it scares me a bit, almost as much as theao scared me at first, but at least you didn't change in my eyes really...change or don't change do what you see fit, but live life to the fullest
Rose- Keep MR as long as antrolly possible...and keep being you
Mega Raptor- Same to you...you lucky son of a bitch
Ace- You couldn't be more wrong about not caring what other people think...it is how ever correct about whose opinion matters...as tired as you are of me doing this to myself, i am 10 times more tired, i fall back into the same pattern i can't get out of it...but do not force this apon me to suddenly change and be ok and do not deny our friendship please...
Li- I have not forgotten you, no i haven't at all...i miss you
To those i have missed- My appologies, names escape me at the moment i am unable to remember everyone, there is just so many of you...and some just aren't here anymore...do take care of yourself
Mav- Brother...if you don't mind me calling you that, but its how i see you...an elder brother, with the same mystery and stature any older brother has over their younger counterpart...i've always looked up to you and always will...Your logical almost perfect outlook on things is enough to make one insane with frustration and crumble with envy, as i do...You do far to much for all of us and we don't give you enough respect in return...its nor fair...then again not much is...You stay with Ryo you to are just...perfect for each other if you ask me....i may not know everything i could, but i know enough to say this all...God bless you
Write this off as another fit Sean is having, or stand by myside as you always have...its the people that i am physically near that need to switch places with you all if you ask me...This Angel...yes...Angel...really would like that...i ask of you all that which i don't deserve from any of you, i deserve from those i have helped, so if i have maybe this will be easier for you, if i haven't then i ask for you to dig into the kindness of your hearts if any is there and instead of forcing apon me happiness...comfort me to it...
...I stand before you with my heart torn from my chest with its poison blood of love and hate and all that lies between...i rip yours out of your stone hard chest and place them all apon a table...with a blessed dagger of death and life i slice bother fruits in peices, and place all parts of cursed dreams together with its forign brothers...with pins and tape and other things i mend these hopes together...i hand you one and keep one for me, so we all may live in peace, with each other truelly in our hearts...
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Post by Zorak on Nov 19, 2003 22:33:59 GMT -5
The greatest thing in conquering any obstacle is Will. You are giving up on will, slowly. You think you can't succeed, therefor, you can't.
Life is hard. My mother has a chemical imbalance in her brain, and has depression. She spent most of her life in a perpetual depression. However, she has conquered it. Medication, psychy help, and will power have conquered it. She doesn't even get the fits she used to anymore.
Sean, observe all that is good in life. Think about all that you have seen in life. Think about all that you wish to see. Think about all that is good, and push for it. Life has its problems, yes. I'm not sure what you have, be it depression of scitzophrenia or whatever...
But these ARE things than can be conquered. People have before. People do it. However, when people lose the will to, truly lose the will in their heart, is when the fail. The sad part is, they could get this will back, truly get it back, if they tried.
Get rid of this melodramatic shade you cast over yourself. Speak your mind. Think your mind. Make your midn. Will it, and make it.
Sean, you are who you are. You are what you make yourself to be. No matter how many times you ask the question, no matter the answers, you will ask again. To me, you are a good person. You got heart. But what I think of you matters not, but rather, what YOU think of YOU. This may sound stupid or idiotic, but its the truth. You can't ride this out only on other people's wills or emotions or feelings. You must ride this also on your own. Use theirs as a bolster only for your own.
Friends... you say you don't have any in real life? Perhaps that just means you must seek more out. Many are friendless, like you. Also, what is "real life"? Does it really matter, internet, normal life, whatever? It doesn't. The fact that you are cared for, that people care isn't that enough? However, you shouldn't rely on other's power, Sean, you must use your own. You can say you don't have the power, thats a lie. You just need to find the switch.
Look, lets put this simply: No. Never give up. You your inner strength, which is always there, and surpass. Too hard you say? Do not bend at the wind. Stand against it. Push on. The wind will fade. And when winds appear again, just continue on, still more. Friends are important yes, and help. But the true thing you need is yourself. Think not of what giving up will do to us and your friends here and other people, but of yourself. If you think "I have nothing", look again. Its blind to think that. If you have little, make more.
Perhaps I too am talking giberish, perhaps I'm rambling on, but perhaps thats just how the heart works. Perhaps I have no clue what I'm talking about, perhaps thats how it is. But still, this is what I feel. Maybe my advice is wrong, maybe its right. You must find out. Get help if needed. Pyschy assistance helps, slowly.
Amung the thorns of life, there are the flowers. These flowers will always shine over the thorns. Seek them out!
You have a life ahead of you: Sieze it. DO NOT GIVE UP.
Sean, Zero, Zero Redstar as I originally knew you from AnimeX... do not give up on life. Comfort yourself with your friends, you can depend on them. However, you must keep the pilot light of your soul burning, and keep the will forever burning bright.
Edit:
I am not comfortable really posting this. I don't like being so open with my emotions, and my heart. I have a problem with Anxiousness. I feel the want to delete this post. However, I shall fight it.
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Post by Wag on Nov 20, 2003 4:07:07 GMT -5
Sean, Zero, or whatever you term yourself by...I watch and I see another person. Another soul at the bar. Sure, the pics of you helped me place you in my mind better, but ultimately my first impression is still my current one. Maybe it's the sig, maybe it's somthing else Hell, I dunno...I'm posting at 4am. Maybe THAT's it...but...
I always figured for some reason that your sig was Angel Sanctuary, even though I've never seen the anime at all. Go figure. The posts that you make in the bar seem erhm "normal" by MSPB standards at least. But perhaps I saw someone who was an individual who realized they themselves were amidst a sea of individuals. Realizing this, that said individual became more introspective, perhaps taking more and more time to think about themselves and their place and purpose in life. And maybe they liked Angel Sanctuary...or somthing...or they were goth...Hell I dunno.
What I DO know is that I probably don't remember from when you were Zero, or at least you stood out in my memory alot more as Sean than Zero did...although Zero is sometimes a common name on message boards, by the time I got here (frequently) you were already Sean. Either way, your name and presence are synonymous with the MSPB. Like Ai said, you're a piece of it. Period.
Anyways, if any of that made sense, good luck trying to figure out what you are trying to understand, which from what you've written seems to be yourself and your place.
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Post by †Zero† on Nov 20, 2003 13:37:09 GMT -5
looking to both of them having just remembered he forgot them and feeling horrid, he shook off the feeling and answered them both as honestly and devotely as he could and individually
Zorak, as much as i know what you say is true, as long with the rest of you, i am telling...asking for all of you to stop forcing what needs to be done apon me...all that dose is make me feel pathetic and stupid and that i'm not doing anything right, even if your intentions are good, which they are, forcing the right things to do onto me makes it alot more difficult for me to actually carry out...i'm telling you I know what i need to do, let me do it, or try to...
Wag, as correct as you are with your guesses, i'm figuring you could use some clarification on things. My sig indeed is Angel Sanc, edited anyway...Phoenix of Death is an RP title of mine elsewhere, its slightly altered now, if you must know its "The Chaotic Phoenix of Death and the Shadow God of Gods"...its a long story behind that there, but yeah...Here how ever i just adopted some things from the other place as well as my personal name and title ("Sean Kashaku" and "Yogoreta Na Tenshi No Kuroi Bara")...as well as an Anime that i have yet to seen but love its story line and art work, Angel Sanctuary...its story related to me alot (minus the incest)...the Angel inside Setsuna, and the people after him...the forbidden love, the clash in the heavens, all of it relates to me in an odd almost unbeleivable way and it intrigues me, the Anime i mean...as for being a Goth...i am Labeled as one yes, but only because i look like one and asscociate with some...other then that maybe i am, but the fact of the matter is i don't care, to me its a label...As Zero i ammounted to little...as Sean i was able to be myself alot more...Zero will always be me how ever, i am the first Zero...I am Zero, Zero Redstar, Sean Kashaku and other names i am known under, but i am all the same no matter what
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Post by CygnusMkII on Nov 20, 2003 15:14:24 GMT -5
Zorak has never been so right.
Sean what you need right now... if you don't have friends in real life, is to not sever your ties with the MSPB. We all love you, we really do! If anything, this place should cheer you up!
And who says we can't become "real life" friends? You only live a state away minus little 'old Vermont. Libra lives really near to you as well!
And you've got Li's phone number, right?
Have a little faith in the people around you, we enjoy you a lot more than you think.
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Post by Raz on Nov 20, 2003 16:00:39 GMT -5
Sean, a while ago I was in a place much like you. Remember when my Fiancee and unborn child died, if you didn't know oh well, but I was much like you at the time. I was really thinking about what I mean to people, and I came to the realization that life isn't fun.
I pretty much feel into a depression, which I am still in. The only real joy I get now a days is coming here, even though about the last year and a half I've had a negative outlook on the bar, I am beginning to see the positives.
I'm not a preacher, and I really shouldn't be telling anyone how to run THEIR, life because I have fucked my own up enough. But Sean, I am not going to tell you what to do, because I know no one here takes my advice. I've basically became the one thing I never really wanted to become, a sort of Folk Lore around here.
If you do go Sean, go on a high note. Don't leave MSPB with emotions running high around everyone.
What do I know though, I'm just the guy who has fucked his life up more times in the past year and a half then most people will in a life time.
Sean if you need someone to talk to I'm here, my AIM is OrionSanitarium. Just remember that your not the only person who has ever felt the way you feel.
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Post by Angel Aries on Nov 20, 2003 16:02:26 GMT -5
*sighs, then puts down his mask for a second.*
You're right. I do a lot of covering up. It's a gift, really.
Plus that, it's kinda neccesary. I'm the son of a general, descended from cheiftans, raised to be strong, but not vicious. I'm supposed to be a beacon for my family, the son of a man who has done great things, but thinks himself a failure, I'm supposed to exceed and succeed him. I'm supposed to be greater than he is. I'm supposed to be stronger that he was. I'm supposed to cement my family together, and I know that, and I understand that, and I'm at peace with that.
But if anyone saw how weak I really am...if anyone saw how afraid I am at times...if anyone saw how I would cry in the shower, then get up, say I've had my dramatic moment and need to get on with it, it would scare people.
In the military, a commanding officer is supposed to be superhuman. Not of this earth. All knowing. All powerful. The words "I don't know" are exorcised from his vocabulary forever. Those three words will kill a crew, a team, a platoon...dead as a depth charge. A commanding officer always knows what to do, whether he does or not, and I have always been raised to be an officer.
I'm in some seriously crummy circumstances, and worse, I understand them. All I've got left, is my mind, my hands, and my words, and I use them to every extent that I can. Granted, I use them to project a mask of immaturity and randomness, but there's good in that as well, in that it's rare in this day and age. Very rare in this world, and someone needs to interject that kind of insanity into a world that's slowly being cast to a sane design.
You're different. You don't have your mind...
*grins.* ...but you've got the circumstances. You're here. You have friends who love you, and try to understand you. We would quite likely do anything for you. Fight, give, take, mediate, comfort, stand up, give advice, insist, contemplate, anything. And do any of us know why? No. We all just subscribe to a message board in cyberspace. What we see, what we imagine...it's all just collections of pixels projected onto a glass screen.
Yet the connection between all of us goes so much father than just bits and bytes.
So, yes, I put up a mask on many stages of my life. But we must remember, all the world's a stage.
*sighs.*
I know about angels, though, Sean. Remember? And the thing they want more than anything, is for us to live.
Even if you are an angel inside, you're still human. And all humans hurt. The circumstances, the means, the type of pain may be different, but we all feel it, and we're all still breathing.
I feel pain, just like you do, Sean.
*puts his mask back on.*
But Aries has learned how to deal with it, whether in his past lives, or in the ones he lives now. And it's not the will that matters.
It's hope.
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Post by †Zero† on Nov 20, 2003 17:13:41 GMT -5
Inside and out...I'm an Angel inside and out, with...yeah i won't go one ive said it before no one really paid to much attention to it...
And if you knew more about Angels yes they want us to live, but they are jelous of humans and don't like us that much...but they have no choice but to help....I'm not gonna turn this into a religious debate...
He looked out the window to the moon and sighed, shivering a bit and stared at the light some more
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Post by Angel Aries on Nov 20, 2003 17:14:45 GMT -5
Maybe some. Not all.
Remember? Aries talks to one.
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Post by †Zero† on Nov 20, 2003 17:16:04 GMT -5
sighing
Remember this...Angels do not have free will unless they are in the state such as I am in...thus she is forced in a slight way not to hate humans...
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Post by Angel Aries on Nov 20, 2003 17:17:54 GMT -5
Diana still seems at ease with herself and her job...although, granted, looking after an Aries is not an easy process.
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